Underworld: Blood Wars (Review)

Title: Underworld: Blood Wars
Director: Anna Foerster
Writers:  Cory Goodman, Kyle Ward
Cast: Kate Bekinsale, Theo James, Tobias Menzies, Lara Pulver, Charles Dance, James Faulkner
Year: 2016
Min: 91

Selene (Kate Bekinsale) is on the lam from vampires and Lycans (werewolves, duh), who still want her dead. Now, though, the Lycans also want to find her daughter who as hybrid has the blood they badly desire to finally beat the vampires forever. The Lycans have been united and are more dangerous than ever thanks to being lead by some new dude named Marius (Tobias Menzies). Helping Selene is David (Theo James) whose father, Thomas (Charles Dance) is on the council. Recently having joined said council is the beautiful Semire (Lara Pulver). She has come to the conclusion that they need Selene to defeat Marious and his band of evil, killer fleabags. The vampires convince our leather-clad sexy heroine to return and join them. She proceeds to train the vampire Death Dealers. The question becomes who can Selene trust and will Marius and his crew be victorious?

By now we are the fifth entry in this horror/ action franchise and you know what to expect. You also know whether you care for it or not. If you don't like these movies stop reading. This one won't change your mind, and you'll fucking hate it. However, if you are a fellow fan, please read on.

The plot in Underworld: Blood Wars, as it is, is kind of ridiculous. However, within the context of the series mythology it makes some degree of sense and kind of works. There are enough swerves and double and triple-crosses to give former WWE/ WCW/ TNA wrestling writer Vince Russo a full blown hard-on. I don't know if it all works or is necessarily enthralling, but what it is, is highly entertaining and fun.

This is due really to first time director Anna Foerster who keeps the action unrelenting. The movie moves at a breakneck pace. Breaks are short lived as it's more interested in violence and mayhem, than deep character development. And, what violence we have! Bloody bullet-hits, stabbings, slashing, and hacking abound, with a full body bisection and a spinal column getting ripped out (which should make fans of Mortal Kombat cum in their geek undies) serving as undeniable highlights in the gore department. As with other entries, most of the monsters and splatter is CGI created, which ranges in quality. But, at this point it's kind of expected in these movies, isn't it?

The acting is adequate. No one here is given the deepest of material to work with, but they all handle it well. Kate Bekinsale is gorgeous as always and as such looks great in leather kicking ass and gorily disposing of monsters. Sexy as fuck Lara Pulver is a welcome addition the cast and looks fucking hot especially in more cleavage revealing outfits. Her character of Semire is cunning enough to remain at least enjoyable to follow around. Our main villain Marious, played by Tobia Menzies, is passable but other than being really strong and nearly unstoppable he isn't given any real depth, whatsoever. But, in the midst of all the action you probably won't care much. I know I didn't and honestly until I stopped to think about for this review, I had not even given his lack of development any real thought.

Underworld: Blood Wars gives fans of this franchise what we want: mindless violence coupled with  graphic gore and non-stop action, lots of monsters, hot goth chicks (and not just Bekinsale and Pulver!), and, of course, Bekinsale in tight leather killing said monsters. It piles on the action and barely ever lets up. Sure it is all rather silly and empty-headed but the fun factor is so high that it doesn't really matter. One more thing: the following rating for the film is strictly for fans of the franchise, anyone else will surely hate this movie. But, honestly this late in the game you already knew if you wanted to see this movie and were only curious just how much, how badly, and how soon, you needed to do just that.

3 out of 4

The 10 Best Movies of 2016

First and foremost, happy New Year everyone! This past year was a great one for horror movies, in particular, as many became box office hits and were actually good flicks. The proof is in that there are a couple of them that made my list. Comic book and geek flicks were big, too, but as you'll see it's Marvel and Star Wars that still rule this list, sorry DC fans. As always I remind you that my movie list is not like any other top 10 movie list out there.

Honorable Mentions:
I Am Your Father
Finding Dory
The Conjuring 2
Zootopia
Scherzo Diabolico  

10. The Shallows- It's been ages since someone has made a good killer shark horror flick. With movies like Sharknado making them look silly and aiming for laughs, it was about time that terror came back to the seas. This nail-biting yet simple flick is one of the most thoroughly enjoyable horror movies of the year. It's suspenseful and builds to truly exhilarating and exciting climax. The gorgeous Blake Lively (who both was inducted into this site's Horror Crushes and earned the silver medal in the The 70 Hottest Babes of 2016) might be the year's best final girl of the year. She pulled out the best performance of her career and the bonus of her little feathered friend Steven Seagull made for the duo you most wanted to cheer on and feared for the safety of this entire year. And, bonus points for making a PG-13 movie that pushed the rating the hardest that it has been pushed in decades.

9. Sausage Party- Holy shit was this movie ever funny! I actually cried from laughing so hard. Setting out to be the adult Pixar flick, it most certainly succeeds at it. Very politically incorrect and over the top, it pulls no punches in its humor. Drug use, a douche being a douche, a lesbian taco, living food dismemberment, references to religion, and more, this one has it all. Truly one of the best adult animated movies, ever.



 

8. 10 Cloverfield Lane- Semi-sequel to one of the best found footage horror movies ever, Cloverfield, this expertly acted flick will have you clenching on to your seat handles. Your heart will race as the tension builds and builds till it hits the exciting climax. John Goodman is one of the most scary villains of the year, while the beautiful Mary Elizabeth Winstead is great and very likable as the film's protagonist. They play so well against each other and really help solidify this as an early horror hit.


 

7. The Nice Guys- This mix of neo-noir, comedy, and action is one of the finest films that you probably didn't see this year. And, if you did then you know what I am talking about. The acting from Ryan Golsing and Russell Crowe is excellent and the script by Anthony Bagarozzi and director Shane Black is one of my favorites of the year. It's filled with witty and funny dialogue and great plots twists and turns. The 70s setting is just plain fucking awesome. In all, this is one is even better than Shane Black's own Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.


 

6. Green Room- A violent and intense as fucking hell horror thriller, has a punk band trapped in a neo-nazi club. Great acting from everyone, especially Patrick Stewart who as the leader of the neo-nazi gang who gives one of his best performances ever, as a fucking villain! Dude is just intimidating and pure fucking evil. The violence comes hard and graphic and the climax is one of the most intense of the year. It all gets rounded off by some great music and music references, to make this a punk-horror/ thriller masterpiece!


 

5. The Secret Life of Pets- As a pet/ dog owner and lover, this one was one my most anticipated films of the year. And, I am glad that it more than delivered. It's one of the most fun and the most hilarious movie of the year. The script is witty and if you have pets you will really appreciate the humor. Even if you don't, you will still have a blast with it. Then there the characters, who are all, from main to supporting, memorable. Sure it bites off of Pixar's Toy Story, but who gives a fuck when it is done this good. And, while I won't say it's a better movie than that classic (it ain't), I like it more.




4. Don't Breathe- In a year filled with great horror movies, this one is the best one. Full review: http://themastergio.blogspot.com/2016/08/dont-breather-review.html








3. Captain America: Civil War- This one is more an Avengers movie, than an actual Captain America flick. But, it doesn't really matter. What does is  the solid script, exhilarating action scenes, and solid acting from the cast. Despite the huge cast of characters, it never feels like it is has too much going or bloated, unlike many other similar comic-book flicks. It also gives us such cool moments that characters like the Scarlet Witch, Ant-Man/ Giant-Man, the Black Panther, and Spider-Man really shine. And, speaking of Spidey, THIS was the Spidey we all wanted and needed. I CAN'T wait for this year's Spider-man: Homecoming! Also worth mentioning is how the Captain America movies keep getting better and better as the franchise moves forward. In all, the third best Marvel Studios flick.
 
2. Deadpool- The best R-rated superhero movie ever, is also one of the best in the superhero movie genre, ever, regardless of rating! Funny, action-packed, and filled with ultra-violence, this is the Deadpool movie we all wanted and demanded. The script and its dialogue are utterly priceless and will be quoted forever by comic-book fans. And, make no bones about it, Ryan Reyonlds IS Deadpool!! I adore this movie, enough so that I saw it twice in the movies, that's something I almost never do. This one would've been number one, where it for the next and final flick on the list...

 

1. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story- The first stand alone Star Wars is the finest entry in the franchise since The Empire Strikes Back. Very dark but also thrilling, this finally puts the WAR in Star Wars. Up and until this point, we have never seen a film like this in the series. It felt fresh and mature. While, I liked The Force Awakens, a lot, it rehashed too many ideas. This one didn't. It also had great characters both good and evil (all portrayed excellently by the awesome cast). CGI Tarkin (played in A New Hope by late, great horror actor Peter Cushing) was fucking awesome. Also awesome were all the other winks and nods through in for the fans. Oh and then, there is Darth Vader!! He was badass!! And, the action scenes were killer! Oh, how can I forget how beautiful Felicity Jones is! And... wait let me stop, I sound like a raving fanboy, you get the point. Best film of the year!