Title: God Told Me To Writer/ Director: Larry Cohen Cast: Tony Lo Bianco, Deborah Raffin, Sandy Dennis, Sylvia Sidney, Sam Levene, Robert Drivas Year: 1976 Min: 91
A series of violent mass murders hits and terrorizes the residents of New York City. Before each of the killers get taken down or kill themselves, they all answer, when asked why, because, ''God told me to''. On the case is detective Peter J. Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco), a deeply religious man. As such, he becomes obsessed with unraveling this case, which gets more wild and insane as the truth reveals itself.
One of the most interesting films from sometimes underrated horror filmmaker Larry (It's Alive, Q) Cohen, God Told Me To is a fascinating and wholly original mix of crime drama, horror, and science fiction. Moving at a slow and deliberate pace it builds up bit by bit, as it gets weirder and wilder. Throughout its running time, it remains a fascinating and intriguing bit of genre work by a sometimes overlooked master.
Cohen's script is smart and unlike any film that I can think of. It does a great job at looking at religion and the sometimes fanatical following that it has. It certainly comes off as bold and imaginative. The movie eventually becomes a total ''what the fuck?!" fest, as reveals more and more of its truths. Cohen's interest in police dramas may make some think it is a slow moving film. But, the movie never fails to capture the audiences interest.
Aside from the plot and ever increasing weirdness level, Cohen also builds up tension in the action and suspense scenes. They are edited perfectly, with the opening sniper shooting in New York City at the film's start being a prime example of this. It's a scary and startling scene that grabs you by the throat. This is something that could happen (and has, just not in NYC, at least not that I know or recall). While, not exceptionally gory, it is violent with gun shots, stabbings, and throat slashings peppering the proceedings, all of which is done with that wonderfully bright red Dawn of the Dead 70's style of blood-letting.
The acting is excellent, especially from Tony Lo Bianco as the lead. He is believable and easy to get behind in his quest to unravel the truth. The fact that he is a man of faith makes it all the more interesting, as he faced with horrifying atrocities done in the name of the God he so loves and faithfully worships.
God Told Me To is an original and wild ride from one of the most talented and overlooked masters of fright. Cohen slowly builds the tension and shocking reality of the film's crazy plot ever so slowly. Questioning religion, faith, and the dangers of following it in a fanatical manner, the movie is as timely now as it was in the 70s, maybe more so. Coupled with excellent acting, especially from Lo Bianco, and a cool mix of genres, this is a film that needs to be seen by more. If you have never seen it be sure to check it out, as it is currently streaming on Shudder.
Two girls who are friends watch the cursed video tape from Ringu (AKA The Ring), first Natsumi (Aimi Satsukawa), then later, Yuri (Mizuki Yamamoto). They both have two days to live (cut down from the original film's seven days), as Sadako (Elly Nanami) will come and kill them. After an awesomely funny and failed exorcism, they end up getting help from a man named Kyozo (Masanobu Ando) and Tamao (Maiko Kikuchi), the blind and psychic girl who assists him in his ghost hunting. The only way to save them he demises would be for Sadako to battle another vengeful spirit.
At the same time that this is going, Suzuka (Tina Tamashiro) has moved next door to the house from Ju-On (The Grudge). Haunted by nightmares, learning of the house's murder history, and hearing about some boys who disappeared, she pays it a visit. Of course, this means she is cursed by the ghost known as Kayako (Runa Endo). Ultimately, Kyozo and Tamao decide to help all these girls by getting them to cross curse each other, thus causing their evil ghost chicks to battle each other over them.
For much of Sadako Vs. Kayako, it feels like two movies spliced together. The Sadako stuff is wilder and more fun, while Kayako part is slightly weaker and little more predictable. This isn't to say that part is bad, it most certainly isn't. Whenever Kayako and her creepy-ass son are onscreen, it's still good fun. It's just the Sadako part with its more interesting female protagonists, crazy ghost hunters, and, most especially, the aforementioned exorcism really stands out. At the last third of the movie it finally does become the crossover it promises to be, and then things get really crazy! But, the ultimate truth is that this movie is more fun that it has any right to be.
The acting from the cast is good. Though Tina Tamashiro's Suzuka is slightly less interesting than the other heroes in the film, her performance is fine. But, honestly, it's Masanoby Ando as Kyozo who really steals the show. He is so much fun to watch and is really the character that you will enjoy watching the most.
The more terrifying nature of both of the movies that make up this crossover is largely left on the wayside. Though, there are a few creepy moments, here and there, most of the feeling of the movie is one of just being a good time. It is more interested in entertaining you than outright scaring the shit out of you. There is a little more blood than the US counterparts of these franchises but is hardly a gorefest. The FX contained in the film range from the pretty decent to very good.
Sadako Vs. Kayako feels like two partners that keep teasing each other a lot, only to finally get to the actually fucking. But, the fact is that movie is continuously entertaining and fun, even if the levels of the entertainment do change, at times. Yes, it is a little bit dumb and kind of silly, but come on, one of this movie's precedents is fucking King Kong Vs. Godzilla! And, this movie is, I think, better than that camp favorite. It is possible that you will be disappointed that the movie takes so long to actually crossover, but this didn't happen to me. I just enjoyed the hell out of a movie that really should be not as wonderfully entertaining as it is. Also, I can honestly say that it is infinitely better than either the The Ring Two or any of the American The Grudge movies. Exclusively available to view on the new horror subscription channel Shudder, I say kick back, relax, and just enjoy the hell out of it!
Title: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Writer/ Director: Paul W.S. Anderson Cast: Mila Jovovich, Iain Glen, Ali Larter, Shawn Roberts, Eoin Macken, Fraser James, Ruby Rose Year: 2016 Min: 106
Alice (Mila Jovovich) is told by the AI, known as the Red Queen (Anderson and Mila's own real life daughter Ever Anderson), that there is an antidote that will destroy all organisms infected by the T-virus, hence ending this nightmare. It is held inside the HIVE in Raccoon City. Which means that she will have to return to where it all began. Thankfully she has help from her frequent teammate Claire (Ali Larter) and her new rag tag group of survivors. Standing in their way are two of Alice's most persistent foes from the Umbrella Corporation, Wesker (Shawn Roberts) and Dr. Isaacs (Ian Glen), who it, turns out, ain't dead. This is not including all the zombies and assorted other monsters created by the T-virus.
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is the sixth (!) of the long running action/ horror franchise, loosely based on the horror survival video game series of the name, and is said to be the end. As such it is actually a pretty decent flick. One that is a huge improvement over the last two films, Afterlife and Retribution, both of which were complete shit. It would actually be an even better movie if not for some major film-making choices which hurt it a lot.
The main culprit is the godawful editing, which is some of the worst that I have ever seen. Now, you might say, eh bad editing is par for course here. But, here is the thing. It's worse than it usually is for this series. Everything is cut so fast that it is dizzying and hard to see. There were times when I was not sure what the fuck I was looking at, and my eyes felt like they were bugging the fuck out. Which is a shame because the movie has some genuinely good and thrilling actions.
The bad editing also hurts the FX. It is hard to see the very cool looking monsters or the gore. There are bullet hits, head shots, decapitations, amputations, dismemberment, and more, but you will hardly see any of it. This is even further compromised by an ever moving camera. Stop moving that shit and stand still, goddamn it! And, then, on top of that, there is a lot of dark lightning. Why?! Its maddening as hell, and even just writing about it annoys me.
As is the norm for this franchise characterization is non-existent. A bunch of new characters are added but you won't give a flying fuck about them, among them is Abigail played by Ruby Rose. If you are a fan of hers and are excited about her being this film, don't be. Her role doesn't amount to jackshit.
Thankfully, Mila Jovovich and Ali Larter both kick major ass and make for great heroines, yet again. They also look gorgeous, but with these two it is a fucking given. Jovovich is actually given a little more to work with, which is pretty cool. Our two villains, Wesker and Dr. Isaacs (Shawn Roberts and Ian Glen, respectively) are quite a hoot. They are not given that much depth or anything, but they are fun as hell to watch being bad.
As I said the action scenes, though awesome, are poorly shot, but the movie moves at a breakneck pace. There is very little, if any, boring scenes. It might not give us any real character moments, but it keeps the movie fast and fun.
As a final entry, it ties up some stuff from the series, while making some head scratching decisions in other parts. Is it really the end? Without giving too much I away, I say yes and no. But, considering it has tanked at the box office over here, I think this is the end. But, as such it is satisfactory enough.
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is horribly edited and shot poorly. But, it is fast paced and action packed. Sure it could use more character moments, but the fact is this just meant to be a fun action/ horror movie. And, it does a pretty job at that. If you hate these movies, this one ain't for you. But, if you enjoy them for what this series is, dive right into this final chapter. That being said do you need to see it in the movies? I suppose not, but do see it nonetheless.
It's that time again, to induct another beautiful actress into this site's Horror Crushes section. Today that honor goes to the beautiful and talented: Paula Marshall!
Marshall was born in Rockville, Maryland on June 12, 1964 (making her 52). She began acting in 1990 by playing the original Iris on the first TV take of The Flash's in its first episode. She wouldn't appear in a horror flick till two years later, though with Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.
This third entry in the Hellraiser franchise, marked her big screen debut, after having done a bunch of TV shows. The film itself, wherein Pinhead is freed to wreck havoc on Earth, is the last good entry in the gory and S&M obsessed series. It is a bit silly at times, but overall it's a blast to watch. Fast paced and gory, it's further energized by a heavy metal soundtrack; it's just so damn fun to watch!
Marshall plays the role of Terri a sexy and ultimately nice rocker chick who is homeless, never has dreamt, and has had a string of shitty boyfriends, the latest of which is mega-douchebag J.P., who runs a metal club/ fancy restaurant called The Boiler Room. She rooms with hottie reporter Terry Farrell, who is investigating the death of the dude who came from said club. Marshall is very likable in her role and has great chemistry with Farrell (would you guys like to see Farrell added to Horror Crushes? Let me know in the comments section!) in the movie (also let me know if you would like to see me to a write-up/ review of Hell on Earth).
Marshall also looks AMAZING in the movie. The whole rocker babe thing fits her well, and I admit to crushing hard on her (and Farrell, too, but this ain't about her). Her body is amazing, her legs killer, her face gorgeous, and those eyes of hers are simply stunning. Plus, the shoulder length black hair just seals the deal for me.
A year later, she returned to the horror genre in the semi-sequel Warlock: The Armageddon. Like Hell on Earth, it is directed by Anthony Hichox. I haven't seen this one in ages, probably since I was in high school. But, I recall it being the rare sequel that not only tops its first film but blows it away. It has some great gore and action scenes. Marshall is a great final girl in her of Samantha Ellison. Being that I had such a huge crush on her from her last flick/ horror sequel, I was beyond happy to see her in this one. As I said, she makes for a great final girl. She looks amazing, of course, especially in the short dress that is kind of burned into my memory, to this very day. Now, if we could get this one on Blu-ray, that would be fucking great!
Hichox used Marshall once more in the same year (1993) for the kick ass cable horror/ action flick Full Eclipse. This fun and wild flick is about an LA cop force that turn into werewolves. Marshall is one of them. I haven't seen this one since it first aired, but I recall her being good in it. She was playing a baddie this time around, but I also remember her role not being that big. Regardless, it would be the last time she would do a horror flick for a very period of time.
In fact, she would not return to the genre until 2007 for the wretched I Know Who Killed Me. This terribly stupid movie starred Lindsey Lohan and was utterly brain-dead. Honestly, I had forgotten Marshall was even in it, but then all I remember about it is how laughably bad it was. Anyway, Marshall is beautiful in the film, but we know that already, don't we?
Marshall hasn't done a horror flick since, but she is featured in the extra features in the Hell on Earth disc of Arrow Films superlative release of The Scarlet Box featuring the first three movies (no need for the others!). That makes me very happy, but I would love to see her do another horror flick. Still as beautiful as ever, highly talented, and with at least two memorable roles in solid horror sequels (along with two more genre flicks), Paula Marshall is a welcome addition to Horror Crushes!
Title: Split Writer/ Director: M. Night Shymalan Cast: James McAvoy, Betty Buckley, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Jessica Sula Year: 2016 Min: 117
Three pretty, young girls are kidnapped. They wake-up in a room where they held by a man with 23 very distinct personalities (James McAvoy). His psychiatrist, Dr. Karen Fletcher (Betty Buckley) tries to unravel what is going on and find him and the girls, before it is too late. In the meantime, a 24th and truly terrifying personality is going to emerge from him known as The Beast!
Split is one of those movies that talking to much about its plot has the potential of ruining it. Hence, I'm keeping the synopsis short and sweet. You don't need to know anymore about it beyond what I just said. Nor should you, to fully enjoy the movie. So, let's jump right into the review.
M. Night Shymalan is a director who started out great, then somewhere along the way, he got lost and gave us some utter shit. It seemed that all hope was lost until 2015's surprisingly good found footage horror flick, The Visit. Split continues that return to solid film-making, by surpassing that film and becoming the director's finest film since The Sixth Sense (yes, I think it is even better than Unbreakable or Signs).
Shymalan is always at his best when he tells small, quiet horror stories. And, that is exactly what this is. He builds up tension quite well. There are some genuinely creepy and suspenseful moments, particularly at the film's exciting, white knuckle climax. It's a wee bit slow at times and maybe a teensy bit overlong. Also, at times it gets drowned in too many metaphysical ideas and exposition. But, the pay-off is great, not just in the climax, but in the cool twist ending. Yes, there is a twist, but I loved it and got a real kick out of it.
The cast is all quite good, from top to bottom. But, it's James McAvoy who really shines here. He is flawless at playng essentially multiple characters. At times, he can be downright scary as fuck. In fact, it's one of the finest antagonist performances in the genre, in recent memory. Also, worthy of praise is Anya Taylor-Joy (who I thought was one of the few things truly memorable aspects from the overrated The Witch). She's great in her role, as one of the kidnapped girls, Casey Cooke, a withdrawn one with a dark past of her own. Between those two movies and Morgan, this lovely and talented actress is making a name for herself within the genre.
Split is Shymalan's second best movie. It's an entertaining and, at times, suspenseful horror/ thriller that features a tense climax and a cool twist ending. It is further strengthened by good acting, in particular a star turn by McAvoy. While, it has flaws that keep it from reaching that next level of quality, it's still a movie I can wholeheartedly reccomened. Between, this and The Visit it's great to see Shymalan back to what he is best at. Let's just hope he stays on this path. 3 out of 4
Title: Underworld: Blood Wars Director: Anna Foerster Writers: Cory Goodman, Kyle Ward Cast: Kate Bekinsale, Theo James, Tobias Menzies, Lara Pulver, Charles Dance, James Faulkner Year: 2016 Min: 91
Selene (Kate Bekinsale) is on the lam from vampires and Lycans (werewolves, duh), who still want her dead. Now, though, the Lycans also want to find her daughter who as hybrid has the blood they badly desire to finally beat the vampires forever. The Lycans have been united and are more dangerous than ever thanks to being lead by some new dude named Marius (Tobias Menzies). Helping Selene is David (Theo James) whose father, Thomas (Charles Dance) is on the council. Recently having joined said council is the beautiful Semire (Lara Pulver). She has come to the conclusion that they need Selene to defeat Marious and his band of evil, killer fleabags. The vampires convince our leather-clad sexy heroine to return and join them. She proceeds to train the vampire Death Dealers. The question becomes who can Selene trust and will Marius and his crew be victorious?
By now we are the fifth entry in this horror/ action franchise and you know what to expect. You also know whether you care for it or not. If you don't like these movies stop reading. This one won't change your mind, and you'll fucking hate it. However, if you are a fellow fan, please read on.
The plot in Underworld: Blood Wars, as it is, is kind of ridiculous. However, within the context of the series mythology it makes some degree of sense and kind of works. There are enough swerves and double and triple-crosses to give former WWE/ WCW/ TNA wrestling writer Vince Russo a full blown hard-on. I don't know if it all works or is necessarily enthralling, but what it is, is highly entertaining and fun.
This is due really to first time director Anna Foerster who keeps the action unrelenting. The movie moves at a breakneck pace. Breaks are short lived as it's more interested in violence and mayhem, than deep character development. And, what violence we have! Bloody bullet-hits, stabbings, slashing, and hacking abound, with a full body bisection and a spinal column getting ripped out (which should make fans of Mortal Kombat cum in their geek undies) serving as undeniable highlights in the gore department. As with other entries, most of the monsters and splatter is CGI created, which ranges in quality. But, at this point it's kind of expected in these movies, isn't it?
The acting is adequate. No one here is given the deepest of material to work with, but they all handle it well. Kate Bekinsale is gorgeous as always and as such looks great in leather kicking ass and gorily disposing of monsters. Sexy as fuck Lara Pulver is a welcome addition the cast and looks fucking hot especially in more cleavage revealing outfits. Her character of Semire is cunning enough to remain at least enjoyable to follow around. Our main villain Marious, played by Tobia Menzies, is passable but other than being really strong and nearly unstoppable he isn't given any real depth, whatsoever. But, in the midst of all the action you probably won't care much. I know I didn't and honestly until I stopped to think about for this review, I had not even given his lack of development any real thought.
Underworld: Blood Wars gives fans of this franchise what we want: mindless violence coupled with graphic gore and non-stop action, lots of monsters, hot goth chicks (and not just Bekinsale and Pulver!), and, of course, Bekinsale in tight leather killing said monsters. It piles on the action and barely ever lets up. Sure it is all rather silly and empty-headed but the fun factor is so high that it doesn't really matter. One more thing: the following rating for the film is strictly for fans of the franchise, anyone else will surely hate this movie. But, honestly this late in the game you already knew if you wanted to see this movie and were only curious just how much, how badly, and how soon, you needed to do just that.
Writer/ Director: Glen Morgan Cast: Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert, Kristen Cloke
Year: 2006
Min: 84
Several years ago a disturbed young man named Billy killed his mom and her lover, and gouged one of the eyes of his daughter (whose mother is his own mom, via an incestuous moment of sexual abuse on her part). He gets locked up in an insane asylum. But, on Christmas Eve he escapes and heads back to his old home, where a sorority now live. A small group of the girls are celebrating the holidays there and soon, one by one, they are killed by Billy.
A remake of the original Bob Clark (who also made A Christmas Story!) classic flick from 1974, this nasty little slasher is far better than perhaps you may have been lead to believe. When the movie first came out it had a ton of hate from fans of the original, as well as spawning controversy thanks to a group of close minded buffoons who felt that the movie somehow hurt the "sanctity" of Christmas or some lame shit like that. The former I can understand, but I'll debate here why I think they are wrong. The later is just bullshit.
To it's advantage Black Christmas has, thankfully, slowly gained a cult following over the years, as more horror fans have watched it and given its due chance. Those who have yet to see it are really doing themselves (and the movie and its cast and crew) a disservice. Even those who only watched it once and hated it, should give it a new look, with more open eyes.
First and foremost, no this movie is not on the level of the Clark classic, but then not many remakes are on the level of the movie that inspired it. And, in the case of the originalBlack Christmas, it is one of the most important and influential slasher flicks ever. It is amazing to think that it precedes both Halloween and Friday the 13th (and even When a Stranger Calls, another horror film that is "inspired" by it). So clearly this movie had an uphill battle from the get go. But, here is the thing, it knew it did, and as all good remakes should, it went down its own path.
A major difference is the identity of Billy, in the original he is a mystery. But not here, the remake is not interested in keeping him a secret. He is given a decidedly sleazy backstory, one filled with the aforementioned incest abuse and cannibalism, with a touch of very black humor. It helps to add a good sense of shock and a welcome fucked up quality to the movie.
The movie has some great gore, unlike the restrained original film. Going in this route makes sense in setting itself and in upping the stakes. It also just adds to the fun of it all. There is lots of eyeball violence, as well as splashing and splattering blood, stabbings, impalings, a head gets sliced open, and more. All of the gore FX are excellently handled by Chris Divett. They are sure to please splatter fans watching this flick.
The mostly female cast is quite good, as well as stunningly beautiful. In fact, I think this movie has one of the most babetastic casts I have ever seen in an American horror movie. Most the girls play likeable characters, with a couple really standing out with some really great lines in their dialogue. Michelle (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Trachtenberg and Crystal (of Final Destination 3 here playing a lush and being a blast in her role) are two who deliver some of those great lines. It should also be noted, cause in a slasher movie it is very important, the goregous Ms. Lowe does get nude in a welcome shower scene. Katie Cassidy is quite good in what is actually my favorite movie role of hers. As you can see from those babes the hottie factor is super high, and they are joined by Mary Elizabeth (Cloverfield Lane) Winstead, Lacy (Lost in Space) Chabert, MILFy Kristen (Final Destination) Cloake and more.
But, it's not just the ladies that look good. The movie has a beautiful look to it. Director Glen Morgan really uses the holiday colors of red and greento add a wonderful Argentoesque beauty to it. He also keeps the pacing and movie moving briskly. This keeps the movie fun and helps to make it a great time to be had.
Admit ably the movie like, any slasher, falls under certain cliches. yet, it still manages to avoid one or two and adds a twist here and there. It does come off as a bit empty headed. But, I don't think anyone watching a movie like this looking for a thought provoking piece. They just want a fast and fun movie, and this movie delivers that in a high dosage.
Perhaps the most head scrathingly odd thing about this is that the trailer (which you'll see at the bottom of this review) shows a bunch of stuff not in the movie. From what I heard scenes were shot specifically and only for the trailer. This is a pretty stupid idea that surely pissed some people off. I know, I was a little disappointed to not see them (like the spinning lights/ blades scene) in the movie. You are well advised to not expect everything in the trailer to be in the movie.
Underrated and sometimes unjustly lumped in with bad remakes, Black Christmas deserves another look. It's great that it has been gaining a following over the years, but I still feel it needs more of it. The movie is gory, fun, fast paced, good looking, both in terms of the actual movie and its stunning female cast. it's aged quite well, and has become a yearly holiday tradition of mine. When judged as its own movie, this holiday horror flick ranks as a nasty and great Yuletide time to be had.
