BLAIR WITCH (Review)

Title: Blair Witch
Director: Adam Wingard
Writer: Simon Barrett
Cast: James Allen McCune, Callie Hernandez, Corbin Reid, Brandon Scott, Wes Robinson, Valorie Curry
Min: 89
Year: 2016

Some 20 years after the occurrences of the first Blair Witch movie, one of the disappeared three college kids, Heather's brother, James (James Allen McCune) is sent a video via the internet. It's the unclear image of a girl from the creepy, abandoned house in Burkittsville, Maryland. He thinks it is his sis, so he and some friends go off to find her. They, of course, decide that they should also make a docu of it, cause, well, why the fuck not. The dude, Lane (Wes Robinson), who uploaded the video and his friend Talia (Valorie Curry) join them on the sure to be fun filled search. They reach the site and set-up camp. That night, as is to be expected, weird shit begins to happen. And, of course, it gets progressively worse from there.

Just a few days I rewatched and reviewed Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. I praised it for despite its' flaws attempting something new and different. This movie I will mostly shit on for being the exact some lazy, fucking thing, that I am sick of seeing. It, of course, ignores the last film, but that's fine. In many ways, the second movie is sort of this franchise's A New Nightmare existing outside of continuity and in the real world. As such there is not problem here. However, this movie has a shit load of other problems. And, it's a shame cause its' director, Adam Wingard, is talented, as the bloody and fun You're Next so successfully proves. But, before I shit on this exorcise in mediocrity, let's look at the good points, first.

The acting is really good, far better than most sequels aim to have. All the cast members give strong performances. That being said the only characters I actually kinda liked were Talia and Lisa (Callie Hernandez), and the later, I only really cared for towards. It's not that the characters are dicks, it's just that most of them aren't particularly memorable. But, hey at least the acting is good! See, I'm keeping my words positive, or trying to at least!

Second the advancement in technology makes for a better looking film than the first one. Yes, the exact same fucking shakey cam happens, but it is better looking shakey cam! And, now you have drone shots, too! Woohoo! The climax is actually pretty suspenseful and got me into it. I was actually on the edge and had my eyes glued to the screen. There is a cool little twist, too. If only the rest of the film was like this, cause then the end comes and.... It's the same old shit.

And, that is a huge problem. Every beat is the same as the first movie. And, with so many found footage movies, both good and godawful, having come since the TBWP, this is simply horribly uninteresting to see here. The film drags along flat and boring for a good chunk of the story. A story that is fucking lazy and stupid.

Why did he take 20 years to look for Heather? There is a lame and lazy explanation, that of he was four at the time of her disappearance and now that he gets this video online feels the need to go look for her. But, let's call a spade a motherfucking spade. This is a shit excuse used to mask what is essentially an inferior remake, so that no one can say, "Hey stop with the shitty remakes!", since this is a "sequel".

I said the technology is better, but fuck do I ever hate shakey cam. Why must they move the camera so much? Honestly, if I was someone who got this crap and saw this shakey as fuck docu, I would never release it in the real world. I would tell the filmmakers that they suck and need to reconsider their careers of making documentary films.

Finally there is a horrible abundance of jump scares. All of which are made by the fucking crew, themselves, who are clearly fucking morons. Actually, remember how I said that the characters aren't dicks? I was wrong. Cause, only a dick would jump in to scare someone when already scary shit is happening. People, normal people, don't do fucking crap like this. So, stop with pointless, awful jump scares that are not connected to the real terror. Jason jumping out of the lake at the end of the first Friday the 13th is an example of a spectacular jump care. Some asshole kid popping in out of nowhere to "scare" someone, like in this movie, is fucking complete garbage.

Blair Witch is a safe, by-the-numbers, remake, disguised as a sequel. It is saved, slightly, by good acting and a good climax. We have all seen worse horror flicks, but honestly why pay for this crap? In a year filled with great horror movies, doing good at the box office, this middle of road flick is bombing. But, then when you realize that many sequels and remakes have tanked this summer, you see that this fits in well with those losers. In short, if you gotta see this one, wait for fucking cable or Netflix, don't waste your money.

2 out of 4